Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
