he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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