I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
