wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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