my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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