my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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