His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
