I just saw a hot homeless man
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
