Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
