the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
