What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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