I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
