Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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