If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
