party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
