I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize