Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
