i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
