quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
