So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize