i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
