dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize