she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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