I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
