That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
