my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
