i love accidental penises.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
