He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
