this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
