I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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