Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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