My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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