put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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