she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
