I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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