btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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