How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
