I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
