would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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