she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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