Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
