i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
