I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
