ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
