Cold hands, warm shart.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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