he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
