my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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