So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
