omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
