you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
