Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize