it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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