His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
