just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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