he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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