Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
