All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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