I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
