What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
