i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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