So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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