FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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