Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
His nipple licking is glorious
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