think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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