He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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